My Grandma Relaxed My Hair When I Was 7

Yulissia Perez, 25, a Clarksdale, Mississippi resident, finds love in her natural hair after experiencing a difficult family history.

This account has been condensed and edited for clarity.

My hair had been relaxed and processed since I was 7. My grandma took me to the salon with her every other Saturday to get my roots touched up. I made the decision that I didn’t want to do that anymore. I went all natural. I didn’t really realize how much other people would notice. It was usually other people, white people — they were the ones to notice more. But it was almost always kind of a backhanded compliment of how they like my hair. They always wanted to touch it. I’ve had people touch my hair and put their hands in my hair without asking me. 

I am biracial. My dad is Black and my mom is Puerto Rican. But when people look at me, they will always see me as a Black woman first. It’s definitely hard, but coming from Missouri, where I’m from, and then to somewhere like here, it definitely feels better, and that’s because there are more people who look like me here. It’s a military town down there. There’s a lot of diversity, in a way, but still, it was more predominantly white.

My grandparents have told me that it was hard growing up in America when they were younger. They grew up in a small town in West Virginia, in that era where there were eight or nine siblings. Being around during that time was just very, very different. They didn’t have all of the resources that they probably could have had.

Sometimes, when I think of my grandparents, I kind of get that there’s a difference between Black people and some people don’t realize it. I don’t want to say whitewashed, but in a way, that’s what it was. I think my grandma kind of took that out on me when she took me to go get my hair done because she saw my hair as nappy and ugly. I was actually at my dad’s house, and my grandma just picked me up and took me to the salon without my mom knowing and relaxed my hair. It just makes you think: Where did that come from in her that made her think that our hair was ugly, or it wasn’t presentable? 

I think I was a junior in high school when I did it. People don’t understand how much work it is to get your hair done. The first appointment, you’re there for hours so that they can relax your entire head. But then it was going to the salon every other Saturday. And then we had to wash it and detangle, and then blow dry and straighten. I was so exhausted from it all the time. I asked my mom, “Can I just cut it off?” And then I did.

My mom actually did my hair when I was younger. I had my hair nice and cute, and little styles with the barrettes. She would braid my hair and everything, and I loved it. The older I get, I’m definitely embracing it more. People who have the same hair as me are asking me what I do for my hair. I must be doing something good if people want to ask me about my routine. So that’s really nice, too.